Thursday, June 30, 2011

Climb Baby

I try and teach my daughter that she is much more then a pretty face.

That being said, when she is older she is going to be a stunner, curvy and tall with gorgeous latte skin and long wild curls.

I have no doubt that the curvaceous bombshell I see in my future will be a force to be reckoned with.  My mission to give her power well beyond batting her curly lashes.  To teach her that being kind, smart, curious strong, and a lover of books is what actually matters.

Yesterday I had a moment that made me feel I am showing her to love and believe in herself. 

She reached to top of a rock climbing wall and was able to ring the bell for the first time.

She repelled down like a pro, glowing with pride and radiating with success.

She ran over to me still donning the harness.

"I am so proud of myself,” she said.  It made my day.  

It was a small success, but moments like are the building blocks.  She can do anything she decides to do, that may be a singer and a dentist as she is currently planning or anything else she puts her mind to.

Ring that bell baby.

So much more then a pretty face.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

An old friend make me think

What would my younger self think of me now?

Would I be impressed with the life I have created or dissappnted at how traditional my life appears.

I am smart, I graduated highschool in three years, graduated with honers from college, I  have my MBA and I stay home with my kids.

I worked 55 hours a week in my previous life. That career path would not work in my current life nor would it feed my soul.

So I chase my kids in heels. On occasion I wear an apron. I bake cookies and carpool. Some days it is more then enough an others it is not nearly enough.

I coach running to young girls, I am president of my parents club. I am a runner, a friend, a wife, a mom.  I have a lot of roles.

My friends and I have happy hour in the back yard.  The kids play while we cocktail and have adult conversation.  It is a far cry from the happy hours of my younger self, but I look forward to it all the same. 

I don't know what my younger self would think about my life but my heart and my days full. 

I don't know what my future self will say about this time in my life but for now it is working for me.

What would your younger self say about you now?


Sunday, June 26, 2011

this girl is crazy

This girl of mine. 

She is kind but temperamental.  Generous and thoughtful but particular. 

She needs to know and understand what is happening and why. 

She loves babies.

She likes to be in control of her own reality. She does not handle change well but likes surprises. 

She is smart and goofy.

She is a runner but not coordinated enough for gymnastics.

She occasionally looses her mind, more often when she has lost control of her world. 

She loves dress up, taking care of people and a party. 

She is wild and sweet.

She is just like her mama.

She makes me crazy but oh how I love her,


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

this is hard

I am sure you are all tired of reading my woe is me stories, if you can't take hearing about my broken foot anymore go ahead and stop reading now.

Yesterday I had to arrange child care for my children and I am going to be home with them.

On Friday Rob is going back to work, my mom is flying home, and by 6:30 in the morning I will be home alone with my kids.

I can't carry my baby, I can't help him down the stairs, I can't lean down and lift him off the floor, I run to stop him from hurting himself.

I can't be home alone with my kids.

I had to call a babysitter.

I can't take care of my own children.

It was deflating.  It was defeating.

A few hours of needing a baby sitter, not the end of the world, but it was hard.

It is easier to ask for help from Rob and my mom.  On Friday they are both leaving, Rob will be at work for four days.  My sister is coming on the 27th,  I needed to get three days covered.

Friday morning the baby sitter is coming, then my, over giving,  friend Liz is going to to bring herself and her kids over for a sleepover at my house.  I say over giving because her husband is having chemo that day and she offered to help me.

Saturday Morning my girlfriend and her kids are coming up from the city for the weekend to stay with us, help and play.

Finally my Sister will be flying in for ten days. 

This is hard. 

I am so lucky that I have wonderful friends and family who will go out of there way to help with my kids, or bring us meals, or do anything we need. 

But this is hard.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Fathers Day Mush

The day I told Rob I was pregnant with our first child I was overwhelmed and scared.  We had been together nearly three years and engaged six months but I had a plan, babies came later.

It is not that Taylor was not planned she just came a year ahead of schedule.

My life was crazy.

I was working 50 hours a week, working on my MBA and planning my wedding.  My life was like a revolving door.  I was out of the house by 5:00 in the morning and between the gym, work and school I was gone until 10:00 at night.

It was not bad, it was nonstop, but not bad.  I knew it was temporary.

Then things changed.

I was not feeling well.  I could not pinpoint what was wrong, I just felt bad.  I remember sitting at my desk nesting my head in my arms wondering how I would make it through the day.  I was so tired. 

Then the nagging feeling came.  What if I was pregnant? I was on the pill.  I always took it, but what if?  I had switched they type of pill I was on, would that matter?

I managed to brush the feeling off.  Then one morning I was at the gym before work and I had nothing in me, I could not make myself do my workout.  The nagging feeling came back.  On the way to work I stopped and bought a pregnancy test.  I thought I was being crazy, I thought I would take the test just to ease my mind.

I went into ladies room at work, knowing I was not pregnant, I peed on the stick.  I lifted the stick to eye my eyes.  No three minute wait, there I was in the bathroom at work and I was pregnant.

I was pregnant.

When I told Rob I was sobbing.  I wanted to be a mom but not yet.  I wanted to plan it, I wanted to be prepared, I wanted to be married not engaged.

I wanted to be in charge. 

I was sobbing but Rob was calm, he held me and asked why I was crying, he told me it would work out and that he would take care of us.

It has worked out and looking at my life now, I am glad it happened the way it did.

Over the past five years a lot has changed.  I moved, became a stay at home mom, finished my masters, had two kids. 

We created a new life,  a good life.

Life does not always go as planned, we don't always agree, sometimes it is hard.  We are very different people, but it works.

I love to watch Rob with our kids.  He will do anything to be a good dad and to give our kids the kind of father he never had.  The kind of life he did not have.

There is no one else I would want to do this with.

Happy Fathers Day to my husband and all the good dads out there.

Love Always,


Thursday, June 16, 2011


I am a little tightly wound.

I don't know when it happened but it has only gotten worse since having kids.  I like things how I like them and I like the way I do them. But I am working on letting go. 

Because I have no choice.

Last week my dear friend, Julie, dropped everything to fly here and come help me.  She has no kids and she spent a week playing mom to my kids and taking care of me.  I cannot thank her enough or express how much it means to me that she would put her life of hold and come to my rescue on a moments notice.

My mom has been out of the country and will be here in a few days to help then my sister will come.  In the meantime, Rob took the week off work and is trying to fill my shoes.

For the first time in years I am not hopping out of bed as soon as the kids are up.  Instead I pop a pain pill and doze off while Rob gets up.

In our normal life Rob does a lot to help with the kids and the house.  He is involved and certainly does his part, but playing me is another ball game.  It is a wake up call to how much I do.

I am trying to let go of the guilt mixed with angst and all the other emotions I feel as I sit back and let someone else take over. 

Rob is doing a good job, he is trying.  He understands how hard it is for me to not be able to run our world.  He is hustling from morning to night, keeping our kids happy, and fed, and clean, while trying to keep our house together.

He may not be me, things may not be done the way I would do them, but they are getting done.

I am trying not to comment or critique (too much),  and remind myself that  we will survive even if everything is not done my way.

What matters is I have a husband who will work so hard to make sure we are all taken care of, who will hustle all day to try and make life as close to normal as he can. He is up with the kids at 6:00 and making breakfast at 7:00, he brings my coffee upstairs before he takes the kids out to play, he is doing a good job.

I had to break my foot to make myself relax.

Enjoy the day,


*if you missed the post about how I managed to break my foot you can read about it here.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Time to let go and keep it moving

I have spent a great deal of time organizing my life so that I am in charge.  I don't leave things open to chance, I plan an manage everything.

It works for me.

I broke my foot.  I broke it, I chipped it and I separated it.  All the Doctor and the specialist managed to say is, "It's not good".

I had surgery.  They pinned, wired and sewed it back together.

I spent three nights in the hospital and now I am home.

And I am useless. 

Sitting in the hospital unable to do anything, was like boot camp for the next eight weeks.  I need to except the help and let go.  

I don't get to be in charge of everything.

I am lucky to have friends and family who will keep my life and my family afloat.  They will drop what they are doing and go out of there way to make sure that we are more then okay.

I need to let go of my need to handle it all, manage everything,  and never need help.

I am going to suck it up and let them help.


*in case you missed the story about how I broke my foot you can read about it here.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

10 Seconds

I don't  know how to start this post.

I guess I should say that everything is fine.  We are okay but I am crying already.

Yesterday started off good.  Health kick in full effect, good workout, happy kids, happy mama.

After I worked out Taylor left with an friend and I stayed with Jax in the lounge/cafe area at the gym. I fed him lunch and watched him play with a friend.  When we were ready to leave he walked to the water fountain, there is a step stool there that he loves to climb.  I watched him stop there, then I turned my to pack my bag.

I turned my back to him for 10 seconds, when I turned around he was gone.  I looked in all directions. 

The door was propped open. There is water. A pool, a kiddie pool and a hot tub.  I ran outside.

I looked towards the kiddie pool he was not there, then to hot tub.

This is hard to write it, I keep waiting to wake up.  This didn't really happen, it couldn't happen to me. 

He was in the hot tub.  I may have screamed I don't remember. 

I ran.  My mind and my legs raced. 

At the edge of the hot tub I landed wrong, heard a pop in my foot, I jumped in, and  I grabbed my baby.  

He was fine.

He coughed, he snuggled, and finally he smiled. 

He is fine.  He is perfect.

I however am not, my foot is likely broken. I can't walk much less run. I can't drive, I can't carry my baby. My foot is a painful reminder of the worst and best moments of my life.  My child fell in the water and I did not know where he was then I got to hold my child as I sat on the side of the hot tube holding him and he was fine. 

The utter fear of seeing my baby in the water is much more painful and and will and will last much longer then a broken foot.

Broken bones will heel.

I am more thankful and blessed then I could ever begin to express,

Saturday, June 4, 2011


Go ahead and play in the rain.

With no shoes on. 

Dace in the puddles.

Laugh as water drips on your face and and into your eyes.

What is the worst thing that will happen, you will get wet and cold.

A warm bath and a hot coco will fix it.

Childhood is fleeting.  Soon they will be too cool for puddles.



Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I need

I need a vacation and a race.

I don't live near my family,  we spend most of our vacations traveling to them.

I love my family, I love to visit them, but it is not a real vacation. 

I need the beach.

We need to plan ahead and book a trip so it actually happens.  We are planning on taking our real vacation in October.  October is four months away,  which will give me four months to look forward to it.

What I am looking for:

A house. 

My kids go to bed at 7:00 and I hate to be on lock down in a hotel room all night long.  We need space. 

I want a break I don't want to be in charge of everything, I feed people and clean up after them at home, I don't want to on vacation.  I would love to have someone come in an cook one meal a day for us or something of that nature.

I don't want to be stuck in the middle of no where, I like to get out and see other people.  My family is great but...

We have passports and are happy to use them. 

Now all I need is a cost effective way to make this happen.


Now for the Race.

I need a race.  I need something to train for.

If I am in training I have not excuses. 

I need to schedule long runs, and I seem to always have something else to do or no child care, if I am in training I will make it a priority.

I want a full marathon, one that is fun and friendly and not too far away.  One in late fall or early winter would be good.


What are your upcoming vacation plans?  What are your upcoming races?

What are you looking forward to or planning?  What do you need.